Apparently, I only remember my dreams when i fall back asleep for 5-50 minutes after i'm violently awoken - e.g. an alarm clock. So, some context: last night was a coffeehouse, and during it i read through some of natalie's poetry, in particular a poem about a plane crash, where an engine flamed out and it crashed. Later that night, I was sitting in my room and thinking about how i have so many books surrounding me in my room. The beginning is a kind of rehash of that, but the end is something different entirely...
Dream, Act I. the setting: A dorm room like the one I had last semester at swarthmore, where i am surrounded by books and board games, and I'm wondering how i'm going to get them all home... I can't possibly just haul them home in the car, and on-campus storage is closed, or something. My family shows up, and we talk about it some. Eventually, it's decided my mother is going to drive a lot of stuff home, and the rest of us, my sister, my father and i, are going to fly to deleware or new jersey... some undefined place.
Act II. the setting: The plane, a 747 or some such...
Pretty much right after takeoff, something happens... the plane loses speed or doesn't have enough to get very high. I remember this part through the pilot's perspective, or third-person/plane. we begin to fly through something that looks like a cross between a shipyard and... i'm not sure. The first thing I remember the plane flying through is this gigantic cement square large enough for the plane to get through. We must be flying pretty slowly, because the plane is able to manuever between humungous pylons and steel framed pillars. Next the plane hits a highway and begins speeding past cars on it. eventually the plane is able to take off of the pavement. The reason i get the impression it's a shipyard is because we next are forced to touch down on the deck of this vast destroyer, and are able to taxi down its entire length. By the end, i know the plane has enough speed to truly take off. All that remains between us and the open sky is another of those huge cement squares. We're almost through it, when it somehow shears off the left wing up to the outbound engine, which is destroyed.
Act III. Cut to my mother. The setting: my mother is griefstricken in a room that's like a conference room, except with airplane-like seats scattered about, and a bay window that doubles as some sort of screen, where she starts to watch the jet alice, my father and i are on as it begins to plunge into the ocean.
Suddenly, I appear next to her. I've no idea how i got there, but I'm trying to reassure my mother that we must be all right, that i must be projecting myself next to her, which means i'm alive and ok! But then, as we watch rescuers reach the floating plane, they announce that there are only two survivors. I talk some more, about how they must be mistaken -- not because I want to live for myself, i never think of that. I only make these propositions for my mother's sake, because i WAnt her to be happy, and not sad. The first one out is a person that i immediately point to and say, that must be me, with the long blonde hair, tall, etc., but my mother points out that he has a beard. Next to be brought out is my father. I suddenly realize i'm a ghost, as people around my mother begin to wonder who she is talking to. Slowly, some of those people are also able to hear me talking and actually see me.
[note: perhaps Alice was with another of the people she cared most about, her boyfriend?]
Act IV. Heaven?
The next time i become aware of myself, i am in a place surrounded by other dead people, or, as i now(then) realize, ghosts, who all look perfectly normal. It appears to be a small brick cottage surrounded by a nice garden and then a white picket fence, and it appears to sit on top of the hill behind Blue Ridge Middle School, but instead of BRMS I see the school is LVHS. I walk around a little bit and discover the foregoing things; I also find Alice there as well as some other people i distantly recognize. Finally, I enter the brick cottage. It turns out to be much larger inside than it appeared. First thing inside the cottage are a few guys dressed in suits, like agent smiths... They are giving everyone a number, and telling them to take it somewhere -- i don't quite hear what their instructions are. So I walk away with a number (it may have been in the low to mid 100s) and find a place in the wall that appears to be a possible place to insert the slip of paper the number is printed on. I put the paper in the slot, and enter the door next to that. it turns out to be this gigantic bathroom... I wander around, talk to some people. I sense a growing horror within myself that these guys are giving all these people numbers, made worse because i have no idea why or for what purpose. [this is a bit hazy] I think i get some people together and successfully vanquish the men in suits. Actually, that's what i hoped would happen, both then and now. Instead, Nothing happens. Nothing is accomplished. NOTHING CHANGES. [end act IV]
Act V: conclusions within the dream?
At some later time I am walking outside and i find my mother, who has apparently ended up here as i have. I talk to her a little bit, she is still sad, i'm not sure why. I look outside the picket fence gate, and find my father sitting just across a dirt road, on a fallen log reading a book. I try to talk to him, but he doesn't hear me. I start feeling a sense of urgency - of needing to be able to DO something. I know this place is beautiful, that many people would be able to take pleasure in it. But i find myself hoping that this afterlife is not the end. As pastorally idyllic as it is, it's tendency to staticness disturbs me. I wake up feeling a sense of dread... the first time i can remember being anxious about death in a long time. Funny that i should feel that way because i dreamed about an afterlife where pretty much everyone there could become happy and content with it.
I probably should have written this out earlier in the day. Oh well. Comments welcome, even requested. Tell me if you think i'm crazy. i want to know!